That's one of Frank Herbert's characters, Ghanima, from Children of Dune. So true. The more you experience, the more you realise you still have to experience. The more you know about a matter, the harder it is to make a coherent judgement on it, to find a particular person/society/event to blame or praise for it. From the same book: "Guilt and blame [grow] diffuse when memory [covers] millennia." That's the fractal nature of existence, its infinite complexity. The more involved you get in something, the more it sucks you in.
I see this happening in society. There are more and more people moving away from the rigid certainties of feudalism/nationalism/some religions that cause wars and separation (While a few are becoming frighteningly fundamentalist in reaction) We are indeed standing on the shoulders of giants, and almost all of human knowledge is available for a very big proportion of humanity. Just imagine what this incredible information explosion is doing to our -still mentally very undeveloped- race!
Research has proved that knowledge, once attained, is that much more attainable to others. I believe that knowledge can reach "critical mass" and that there can be major shifts in consciousness as a result. I also hope that humanity will reach such a shift very soon, because we are drastically in need of a radical overhaul of society. We can't go on ruining the planet that keeps us alive, and we can't keep clinging to outdated forms of society that are only possible on a small level. We're exploding, and we have to face the consequences, evolve, to cope.
I know that kind of change is only possible if humanity works together, and that is why I want this change. I see an awakening, humanity becoming one as never before, and a new humanity. A new global society, not homogenous but celebrating its differences, not fighting but working together for one goal. Imagine...
So, yes, sometimes too much knowledge does necessitate a decision that isn't black or white. But it's real, it's life, it's human, it's better to move towards more knowledge and a better understanding. Without that spark of consciousness and curiosity, we would have been nothing.
Now this is one featured question that I really feel I want to say something about. There are exactly five movie soundtracks on my playlist, and I listen to them over and over:
Amélie - i'm simply in love with this one... The Beach - pure happiness Frida - sad, but beautiful. And Salma Hayek can sing! (la bruja) The Fifth Element - exotic. i love the Diva's song Juno - freaky!
Lost in Translation (Peaches!) and The Matrix and The Animatrix (Massive Attack! Juno Reactor! Death in Vegas!) also have great soundtracks. When it comes to TV, Lipstick Jungle (Goldfrapp!) and The OC (Imogen Heap!) often have really cool music. It's all about how well the music goes with the movie/show and about how original and interesting the music is. For example: the standard thriller-soundtrack of dramatic, bland and clichéd orchestra-music doesn't appeal to me at all... Luckily producers/directors seem to be realising that there are many people who like a good soundtrack, and more and more movies and shows have soundtracks that you can actually listen to!
---------------------------------------------------------------------- Got one more soundtrack to add: Danny the dog/Unleashed. It's all by Massive attack. Wow...
Creating your own space is so much fun. My room was always pretty impersonal because I lived at res for most of the time, so I used to dislike having to spend too much time here. Since I got back from China I have started seriously rearranging, and suddenly I enjoy spending time in my room, just because it's my own space. I feel organized, creative and energized here. Life's small pleasures...
I also put up pictures at my desk. I was looking at them a while ago when I realized that all of the pictures have a meaning to me that goes beyond the obvious. It was a weird feeling, like being allowed a look at my subconscious. I've had a dream-encounter with that too: I had a dream one night where I woke up in the middle of my own subconscious, and it was part of the collective subconscious! I felt so very, very small, and the feeling was so strange that I woke up. Now I sometimes wish I could go back and explore! It's weird how some dreams you just know are reality. I had another dream once where a huge hand was reaching out to me from the sky, and when I woke up I knew that it was something about reality, life, trying to reach out to me. The Egyptians believed you could meet real-life people in dreams, and most old cultures have some interesting stories and practices around dreams. Interesting things, dreams...
A quote from What the bleep do we know "Maybe that dream was trying to tell you the truth. I guess it just depends on what you think is real."
From Waking Life "The worst mistake that you can make is to think that you're alive, when really, you're asleep in life's waiting room. The trick is to combine your waking rational abilities with the infinite possibilities of your dreams, 'cause if you can do that, you can do anything.
Amazing what a difference a simple attitude adjustment can make in your life, how your viewpoint changes when you see things from outside your own mind for once. That's why we need other people around us, why we need reality to kick our asses every once in a while, why some people take drugs or are into extreme sports. All mind-altering. The important thing is the awareness. I sometimes wish I could see reality from outside for just a split-second, have my eyes really opened. Of course that can't happen, but I often fantasize about what it would be like. All the preconceptions and judgements ripped away, seeing everything as it really is. Must be very scary as well as awesome. I think something like this happens when you're in love, just look at how Virginia Woolf describes it: High battlements of thought, habits that had seemed as durable as stone, went down like shadows at the touch of another mind and left a naked sky and fresh stars twinkling in it.
The interesting thing is looking at your own thought processes, being critical and seeing where you should change, learning how you think and changing thought patterns if they're doing you harm. Inspect your thoughts closely and see how they affect you. How can you ever succeed if you keep thinking of yourself as a failure? How can you ever find love if deep down you think love doesn't really exist, or that you can't/shouldn't be loved? It takes getting used to and it takes some time, but it's something that really makes a difference. I've always been quiet, someone who doesn't speak up unless it's really necessary, and sometimes not even then. I used let things go by too easily, but I'm changing that. I'm becoming who I want to be, not the person fate makes of me, and I'm very happy with that. I keep thinking of the scene in A home at the end of the world where Clare cuts Bobby's mullet and tells him that he should look like himself, or he'll end up with someone else's life. So don't just react, think like yourself!
Jobseeking: one of my least favourite passtimes. I'm inbetween studying and working right now. No-one wants to hire a complete beginnner, and from my side, I don't even know what I want to do! There are so many options. Some people know what they want to do from a very early age, and they go for it. I wanted to be a singer or a sculptor. I would still like to do one of the two, but as my mom constantly reminds me, I have very little background in either. I look at a lot of art, yes, and I listen to a lot of music, but I'm not involved enough with either of the two fields to actually go for it right now. I would like to do massage or dance or capoeira, something physical that doesn't just involve sitting behind a desk all day, but there as well I will need some training. I can kick myself for not having been involved in any of these things earlier... So that basically leaves something to do with languages, as that was my major and I have a pretty solid background in literature and translation. Tutoring, perhaps, or some kind of language partner. Could be interesting, especially if I go into movies one day... I am seriously considering directing, so that could be something to work for. Making good movies would make me very happy!
